September

This month is the start of a new beginning.

Like any other beginnings, it is tough, with many adjustments, many unknown, so scary and it felt like the Lord has yet again push me to "change".

Not new to me, though I cant help to think that it's always to experience something new that is bound to fail. On the side, I'm getting something out of it. Lessons and probably experience that's worth trying before the night falls (if yah know what I mean).

Every time I failed bigtime I'm launched to something greater in due time, and what I meant by due time is a lot of waiting time. It's a waiting game.
How much long should I wait, or really should I wait if I have my two warriors already? I guess it's up to the Lord and me to plan the next chapter of our lives as a little family.

I want a life that's simple, full of love, happiness, honesty, contentment and most especially GOD CENTERED. 

Well Im complete definitely, Im blessed with 2 beautiful babies what more should I asked. To have a partner is just an icing on top. Whether there is or none for me in love department, I'm okay I guess.

I cannot complain, I accepted the person with their flaws and brokenness with the hopes of converting them to something else. Like a turtle to an elephant. So illogical right? Well that's my reality for 9 years. An Illusion, a fantasy I imagined but not coming into life.

I learned the hard way, that fixing a broken person will only break your soul. Trying to fit in their world is not happiness. Trying to convince yourself that it is okay is self betrayal. Consolation? I have my babies!!!

This life is funny, one day your okay so it seems the next day your down to hell again. Starting all over again, filling the gaps of years of sleeping in nightmare. In faith and believing and trusting that everything will work out fine if you just hang on for awhile.

But it's not. Baby girl, please do not accept what I accepted. Mapapatay ko yan! haha!

So this is it, my life. After the rollercoaster God finaly sent an ultimatum to finally end this chapter of my life, a closure to this nonesense I guess if we only delve on the ugly part.

Actually this is long time overdue, I should have walked away a long time ago. Im not making excuses God Im sorry but I saw this coming, I just dont want to put it to rest yet because if so all these battles worth fighting for will go to waste. Im glad I waited a little longer until the fire burns slow. Im glad I did not gave up. Im glad after all these I have my babies before the great fall.

Im awake God, thanks for being there for me along the way. For saving me in times I close my eyes and pretend that nothing is wrong. You are the light at the end of the tunnel.

I love you, Jesus.