So today, since we are all sick good thing ate Del from Victory suggested we go online service.
So I attended the breaking of the bread at home with my kids, i also cooked late lunch for us tinola for the two kids and dori fish for me(air fried only), ate some singkamas (cut by mama) and alamang while watching the Dr. Ramani Network https://firesidechat.com/realitycheckwithdr-ramani3 discussed about narcissistic relationship, basically the aftermath. And not to mention having my kids around, obviously noisy and clingy and always asking for "mom".
Hey but that's fine my daughter said (when i gave her the graham cake I made) that I am the best cook ever. Because I always have the best food.
Though at first I got distracted while watching, she kept asking if I was the one who made the refrigerated cake like 3 times!!! But I make bawi naman hahaha!
So my take on Dr Ramani about heart break after relationship specifically narcs.
1.) If you are comepelled to not tell your loved ones, perhaps your mom whom you trust the most the thing that he did or said to you that's the ultimate red flag.
2.) It all begins in you. You are the only one who holds the key to change your life after what you experience in narc. Ofcourse it is a process not an overnight thing. And you need a tool and people to help you.
As for my case, I watch PHDs Psychiatrists, doctors, extperts in this field that truly helped me understand the reason behind all the past. I am educating myself on how to control my mind to not give in to the same trap and because this is an anusual relationship where we share children ( to be honest I dont want to share anymore).
And the one and only GOD, Jesus Christ my saviour. He is the ultimate truth and whom I instantly run into when all hell breaks loose.
Now i can say, I may not be in total peace of mind state but definitely im in a better place now. Peace of mind truly is a luxury , that when you have it even in a fleeting moment you just grab it. It gives me direction, on what to do next. It gives me clarity of what I would love and aspire my life would be after this chaotic relationship. It might still be a rollercoaster of emotion since it just exploded previously (though my gut tells me a year ago it's already happening) - Im still glad im right here right now. Handling it, facing my reality with strenght and dignity. Now theres no more hinding, I can be what I want to be share what I need to share and be as happy as I can possibly with my two precious babies.
The light is there and though it may still not be that crystal clear at the moment, I trust God that He leads the way. And I just need to follow through and do the best I can for his glory.
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