Mothering

Time check 10:06 am, im here sitting at the dinner table with my laptop and so-called slimming coffee.

I just finished giving meds to baby boy, done cooking goto and feeding both of them as well while working on my laptop on the side.

We woke up around 8am, by this time I'm already exhausted.

As of this writing I can hear Eloise "mama o-o si Khaled.". MOTHERING is non-stop work, physical mental emotional. It is so exhausting and I get burnout in a span of just 2 hours based on my timing.

(**hold-on will have to wash the poo.**)

While I tear his diaper pants and dispose the poop, he took the initiative to sit. To think the poop messed with the bowl while his left hand is on top of the smear is another mental load. On top of that I can hear the little girl say "mama, o-o den ako" where I haven't done 50% of his brother's business yet. If you are new to mothering (not parenting because the partner is just working and not taking care of the kids) what would you do to this kind of situation?

Wash his bum, let him stand wash his hands and change to new nappies. Flush then dispose soiled nappies. Then ask his sister, do you need to poop? You can use the loo.

This happens frequently in a day, not just once but twice and even more. Imagine just doing that on a daily basis. I do it basically auto pilot when we are nearing end of day, when I get so numb twirling around doing stuff. Like imagine I-don't-give-a-fuck-face.

(**hold on this fly since yesterday still hanging around. Really hard to kill this pesky shit. Also need to tell the kids to stop jumping in the bed for like 100th times already.**)

This is just me and it's only 10:32. I havent cook the lunch , dinner and even prepared the kids to siesta and their merienda. Not to mention the 4 to 6 times a day cleaning milk bottles cause I only got 4 sets and need to feed them on demand. Also dont forget the breastfeeding during sleeps and breaks if the baby boy needs it. See this life is rewarding because I prayed for them, to have kids but man was I informed this is so tough especially as a single mom I should have hired a katulong even before they were born so we can build trust. But not now, too late it's too risky. I can only depend on my parents when they are available. My mom on Thurs and Friday when I work in the office while I bring my eldest daughter. My dad, sometimes when I have a conference call at home but not all the time. He brings us food and help with removing trash and it's a big help. But not on a regular basis. Parents are important, they are the only once who can help, I have sisters but they have their own lives and they dont even bother so I dont mind. It's not like I need them to help me, but when time comes they need me maybe Im not available as well lol.

So I appreciate my mama a lot, she raised me with the other 2 siblings on her own with papa working abroad. It is tough pala. SUPER.

Anyway time check10:41 am kids are playing in bed room. Good thing I have to share this with you even for a short while I can breathe in and out even if it is not a quiet peace. It doesnt exist in my reality.

xoxo,

Fran

PS soa yun nga nga around 10:50 kids jumping Khaled fell off the bed. 

In a span of one week siguro we went to ER twice, about 2 weeks ago. Because his eyes bled he jumps the bed and his eyes tumama sa office table so I secured it with foam na. Then yung birthday ko sa hotel tumama face sa floor he got cuts on his lips na malalim and muntik na kame mapa ER kahit I am with mama still accidents happen like these, lalo sa batang makulit.

No Respect

If you will ask me the way I define these kinds of people depends on how you perceive them.

Like they make money because they cheat.

If you were offered the same chance as them to be illegal and capable of stealing millions of moneys from taxes and spending it personally, then you define them as being lucky. That is their luck.

If you think you were able to pursue your bear minimum potential feeding off of their 0.0000000000001 wealth, then you may pretend them being "blessed". They deserve the wealth.

But if I'm being honest, these kids who have zero experience in struggles of being poor, who are raised with a silver spoon doesn't have the real experience of what it's like to be one and so it's an eye sore to see them flaunt their fame and lxurious lifestyles on socmed like they earned it. To enjoy the life of luxury when they had less to no effort in really producing that kind of wealth to live that kind of lifestyle. It's disgusting. We all knew the truth, it may seem like jealousy, but the fact is it's really inappropriate to flaunt if it was never yours in the first place.

For those rich kids who worked their ass off, so called NEPO baby - no fucks given. You are still lucky you get help. I get it, but still you wont be able to do it without your parents, surprise surprise we all know that since day 1. These entitled mother fuckers.

Sweet November

 As the year is coming to end I just want to reflect on all things good and bad in my life. Things that happened in the past months and my current situation. So speaking current situation here is a real time photo of my work at home life with two kids, luckily, I have here my papa to help out with alaga and luto and everything else.

So I took a picture of my home office, a total chaos knowing the table also serves as jumping board for my two littles.

How am I?

I cannot put into words how overwhelming this is. To be a parent, a mother of 2, a wife, a full time IT professional (flex ko na den haha!). Like I normally dont have assist from anyone except on thurs and fri where I go to office with Eloise, mom is here to look after Khaled. But then again I still look after Eloise while working.

 And Just this week, I just gave in and ask papa if he could also help me Mon to Wed haha! So to ask how am I is just unfathomable haha!

Im good, I feel alright with a little bit of anxiety here and there. At times I scream when things arent in control especially with kids but I make it up with them instantly. Saying sorry for shouting or screaming infront of the kids is not ideal , but given my situation I think it is also important to show the real side of me. How can I hide my emotions e maliit lng bahay namin haha but kidding aside I think it is also important to show your kids your raw true self so they'll learn as they grow up that mama is strong and weak at the same time. That I need to make them understand why mama did it so they would know what is wrong and right and probably (like 20% chance) of not repeating what they did wrong.

I am always thankful to God that he made this life possible, when it seems hopeless he turned it to something better that I can imagine. Though it is overwhelming,  I let it all sink all these feelings and emotions knowing that they grow fast as hell I even have this wall to  measure their growth each month.

How I love mothering though it is tough, but to be with them is to realize you come to multiply and gave a whole new meaning of life. My life was never the same the moment I laid eyes to my eldest, Eloise. My life is over when I laid eyes on Khaled haha! Youthful, single life. As these years to come is about child rearing and making sure they are safe and love to the fullest.

They are here later nlng haha!

So Ayun na nga time check 4:16 in the afternoon not yet done with work doing stuff like these while enjoying my fathers company (bumili pala sya ng merienda). 

Reflections so many things like how we overcame the persistent bronchiolitis ni Khaled, to almost every other month na ubo sipon and nebulizing nila. How we overcame the thought of my husband leaving for work like total horror. The realization of people who are meant to be part of your life and those who are just plain wall paper. I decided to stay out of it(having relationship with this type of people) for good because wala naman akong mapapala sa kanila puro lang toxic. And the best part is we are expecting travel this christmas and newyear with FAMBAM. SO many things happening so stay tuned.

xoxo,

mama bear

November is for HALLOWEEN!!!

                                                 My little mermaid

Ansaya naman though hindi na costume si chuchoi ko. Pero they both attended the condo's trick or treat. Yun lang when she wore this costume hindi din sya naka attend sa office since it's late 2pm, e normally traffic sa ortigas to we went home before the party even started. Pero ang daming freebies sa condo pak na den!

I also managed to pull some skellita costume lols

xo,

mama Fran

Reading again...

 Will collect hopefully meron sa mga bookstore dito sa Manila

Searching for the taste that once were sweet. 

Needing to feel alive again.

Living , breathing the life that once upon a time I live.

Sta Lucia

My fambam went to Sta Lucia today.

We had early dinner in our chinese resto, though the beef tendon is not available.

It was Buchoy's first time in Sta Lu, alst time we left him to his lola only Chuchay came with us.

Anyway both babies ate fried shrimp dumplings, this time Choi sat in hugh chair (aww) Chai sat next to her tatay in big chair na, time flies too fast :(

So after we had dinner, tatay did widraw where Chai Choi and I went for a quick tour at dept store. Theres a mini push cart and my Chuchay pushed it like crazy lol we bought tissue folds since tagal ng wla sa baba (robinson). Then we bought dairy queen medium mango cheesecake, then Chai and Choi ate it in Bo's where tatay and I had our coffee. Mines favorite which choco mocha and tatays plain americano.

So as usual we played, chuhcai ran like crazy while choi hablot everything muntik na pitcher ni Bo's. Then nag dede den sya 4oz. Chai naman sinusubuan ako ng ice cream. Cute nila si tatay phone online gamble haha! So ayun Chai and I had quick tour while Choi was asleep kay tatay nya. We went to National book store, cute kase may free si Chai na "glass" daw haha! Hirap nya pull out of the pink door kala ata nya it was Kidzoona. Then 8:30Pm we went sa ground floor chck on lumang snacks sa grocery pero we cant find it so we went home around 9pm dun kami dumaain sa may petshop sa elevated walk way :) we tried to sakay taxi since wla nag tryk nanaman kami pauwi mas safe kasi open. After we caught covid-19 we always try to ride open if not private car. So ayun, babies took a bath kami den then watch HIT sa netflix then sleep. 

Now I am still awake, tatay din. Im still going to work lapit nako mag resign sa Accenture will give my last contribution. Yun lang will prder also in points yung Carheart ba yun na bag for tatay :)

This is a good day, will upload photo later pa.

Thank you Lord for all the blessing, the simplicity of life and everyday waking up with my love ones.

Thank you for all, we Love you papa Jesus!!!

xo,

Fran

Hello Babies!

 Hello World!

Today is thrisday just an ordinary day. While on call, listening to defender for cloud I just need to post my bebe boy just after kumain ng papaya and still eating sa crib ng mamon! 

And currently andito si chuchay breastfeeding!

may kuliti pa yan sa right eyes pagaling na haha!

Love my babies <3