Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Strength

It's true that most of the precious moments cannot be captured by camera or diary or even blog. I mean yes you can update your media but it will take time before you collect yourself and finally come to a realization that it happened.

So the ring like no other horror story and sweet slumber is now on it's way to this crooked hand of mine. I remember the time when I ask for it before marriage, haha! Reminiscing that moment still gives me a chill, like what the hell? I admit things were fast moving then, like we want to fast track all events that deserved to be carefully planned and be fulfilled voluntarily without hesitations. I know from the bottom of my heart that it is not yet time and there is this feeling of holding back, obligated or caged. Then he left abroad, so we get to collect ourselves, pickup the pieces and build what we had left long before we had even met. Inshort, we live on our own without someone watching our back side by side together every freaking day. It felt like clearing path and renewing vows, literally renewing every single wrong doings we had ever committed when we are together. Once I heard about stories of couple living separately on both ends of the world is good for the soul, they said. Both can explore the world and become the person they ought to be with someone you know is just there for you throughout the journey. And it is 100% true, atleast in my case. I am 32, in March 26, shameless for all these years I earned my age quiet well although not gracefully enough but still working on it, ha! Up to this day, I am still searching for what I want in life and what to do with it. Like I am given a beautiful life and still I feel empty most of the time. It is like, there will never be enough things to do, to buy, to own, to give and to worry. Crazy enough, we need to stop and be content and just be happy for the blessings we have in our hands right now. I also believe the soul needs space to grow and search its way to whatever God's plan instore for it. Which means, being seperated with your partner doesnt mean youre alone and not happy, infact it gave me space and time to look after myself and become better to serve and love others. So in the long run, the love you give yourself is the love you give to others. So cultivate the things that makes your heart go fonder so you can share more. I miss him because I love him, but we grow stronger and better when we figure out things we really need in life so we can continue living in harmony. 

Our love story is no joke. Days were tough and we faced so many hurdles that we almost given up. It's not a telenovela like love story that makes us kilig and wish to have a blissful lovelife and live happily ever after. No. Ours is a different kind, it is where heaven and hell meet. It's a battle field and I only got a mouth full of nasty things to say and I'm not proud of it. Even in relationship it takes two to tango, both have to make things work, it was never easy. Most of the time we have to be patient, forgiving, understanding and trustworthy or else we blew up from day 1. But in God, there is miracle. Everyone has a chance, if you just put Him in the center of your life - things will sort out for you surprisingly.I just learned that in marriage you need not to hurry, wait for the right time, you will definitely feel it is the right moment and you know it's the right person to say your bitter-sweet "I Do." You just feel it is so real, that you need to go through those stages so raw you can even taste it's bitter-sweet. The wound is so deep, you feel so alive and thriving to survive for just one reason which is finally everything makes sense. Ofcourse it's love. If you face difficulty and still want to find yourself with the same person when you wake up in the morning simply because your entire being aches to win the battle worth fighting for - consider true love. 

So, marry for the right reason.

Anyway I am not yet married, so going back to my engagement ring it has its story just like everybody else. It symbolizes the years we spent together, when we were challenged to move out of our comfort zones, figure out what we are here for, trying out things that stretches our patience and acceptance of our own skin. We are very far from being alike, in values and upbringings. Considering the fact that he grew up alone without parents to look after him or support him to get through the day. While I still live with parents at the age of 29 and enjoying carefree life. So basically we are yin yang, he struggle I get through life hovering ever so lite. Im not saying my childhood is easy, infact we struggle financially until I work to assist my father with the bills. But his is a kick ass, he has to literally put up a fight to get what he needs to live. Anyway, we are very much different individuals that complement in such an unapologetic way. That's why I never cried when I saw the ring - the ring symbolizes strength. The foundation has to be sturdy and loving to make it through. And infact he has drained his hard earned money to buy it, that's better.
Not important if it's luxurious or grand shit, the one that stands out is the story behind which it symbolizes.

So, get the engagement ring for the right reason.

xoxo
Fran

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Man up



Can you really forget that easily if severely scarred of the past?
Or you cannot get hold of your own destiny due to the fact
that you are unsure of how little your resource can get you by?
Or you just hang for a while in the shadows and cringed in a mess you welcome in your
wide open door?

I dont understand why people choose to hate and scorn others to death.
Your fingers always pointing towards the accused, babling about what was gone wrong.
And you stood there, waiting with all your might to prove them wrong..
You are the righteous one, clear as crystal. 
That is how you were perceived by comrades and yourself.

You created a perfect environment to scowl and crucify people you love to hate.
You love to ruin life, to feed your weakness.
And you cannot accept the defeat that you openly
participated from the start.
Are you a victim or self confess failure?
Truth is behind the closet that you ever so protect.

Who dared not to speak up about truth and honesty and good in the midst of it.
After all that has been said and done, you still squeeze the life out of struggling beast.
Oh you are a monster in a sheep’s clothes, you know you are good at it.
Who are you to blame others for your loss?
When all you gave is nothing, but pain and humiliation.

Who dared not to pray for light and divine intervention.
And in the final curtain, you missed the show.
When all you collect is trash, and so life gives it back to you.

You are bounded by the past
and your strength is towards keeping bad mistaken as good.
You are not perfect, no one is...
You are good, oh yes in a pathetic world you created.

Too bad, too late...

Monday, January 2, 2017

2017 is GOOD

It's been drought since 2015 and hopefully things will pickup this 2017 and bring loved ones good health, travel, improving oneself more on cultivating the interests and staying away from negative vibes.

So later, maybe I'll start working out again beginning with my diet and morning run - really really have to push myself literally drag my feet off the bed. But again Frances no pain no gain.

I left the bad stuff in the past so I can start fresh- beginning with self motivation "Be the Best Version of You". Then get driving lesson which infact is pasong paso na cause really driving is not my thing I'd rather ride a jeep than be stuck on traffic, but then things have to change. It's all about CHANGE people! Just change basically for whatever reason, it is a meter that measures your progress as an active participating and productive individual in an upscale environment. Then start working on my lovely home, and finally book some ticket somewhere.

xoxo
Fran

Sunday, January 1, 2017

New Years Eve 2017


Hope for the best this 2017! Yes!


Sissies & Liam Thomas


LDR haha #missyou #loveyou hon

xoxo,
Fran

Saturday, December 31, 2016

New Year's Eve

Dec 31, 2016

Today, New Years Eve, before the day parts with 2016 let me reminisce my life's major ups and downs.

To those days where everything seemed never ending nightmare, which is even hard to believe thats whats happening to me and it's my reality, fuck you - just want to tell you that you showed the other side of me that I wasnt aware Im capable of in the first place.

Circumstances dragged me to do things beyond my will and comfort zone. It made me feel numb, and made it look like it's my new normal. Like facing my demons, unclothing me shamelessly infront of the people I care less about. I felt like I cant even trust my own words anymore, Im like a complete trash. 

Deep down, there's a voice saying words like youre here for a greater purpose and you dont just get stuck in moments like this. And I know, even if I struggle every freaking day to follow the voice, I know what to do. Days gone by fleeting and let me tell you this I have given up so many times and tried to make days better but you know luck is not on my side which seemed like "kumunoy" the more I struggle the more I drown. There came a time when all I got is pray, pray even more, pray harder like literally begging Jesus for mercy. What do you expect, God it's all about timing right?

Now let me tell you another side of the coin, before the year ends I want to thank God for letting me go thru that tiny hole to fit in with all my might - I realized that somethings are meant to happen , things we dont feel like we deserve, things we despise, we hate we never wish or ever imagine our selves getting into but it has lessons that marks your entire being. It gives purpose on a higher level.

You may end up crying but with a fulfilled heart. That you helped the people you loved most and it's not about what can you acquire those material things there's no real happiness in there. It's by connecting, understanding and being in the shoes of people that you wouldn't even imagine exist.
Doing something to contribute and change their way of living for the greater glory of God. It's about of peace of mind and healthy heart. It's about Love - True Love.

Lord, Jesus Christ is really my savior in times when I needed him most he wont answer because - there's still more to learn. He saves me in his time, in his will that nobody can ever know or no body can ever stop. It's unstoppable. 

Thank you for all the blessing Lord, good or bad - in the end it is all about the GOOD. I now have a genuinely happy heart. THANK YOU!

xoxo,
Frances

Monday, December 26, 2016

HON

Hon if youre reading this Im proud of you.
Please do your job the best way you can so we can have a trip to Dubai all expense free.

I just want to start the day with breakfast in bed, morning sky dive, eat lunch at Burj Khalifa and end the day in suite with romantic view of Atlantis, The Palm (or whatever it's called) and a bottle of pinot wine in my seethru pj's... And ofcourse rape you with all my heart.

xoxo,
your gangster wife

Someone's X's Lengthy Blah

Just read a blog and I cant help but comment..

I don't know, it feels weird reading someone's x's lengthy blah, but kind of gratifying so what the hell.

Maybe you're kind of young the time you wrote it where everything seems to fall apart and yet you still hang on in your relationship, but touche when I was your age I was kind of a "man-hater" to the point where i don't look nor speak to them, like they are meant to ruin my future something like that. So I get no BF since birth, but then now I realized I wasted my youthful years to kiss so many yummy frogs.. So what I want to emphasize is don't blah about guys that much you girl, there's so many fish in the ocean. This applies to young and young at heart.

You love him, he totally get it so why you being so sweet when he's pain in the ass? I suggest you ruin his life for a day, like holler the spirit out of him kind of stuff and get a life.

I totally agree, now that I experience long term relationships, that sometimes you end up giving so much to a guy that somehow makes you feel less - well depending on the level of maturity let me tell you this, you are not obliged to give more of what you have and you only feel less when he doesn't meet your expectations. Damn girl don't be hard on yourself just let him be. Keep your rules and your beliefs in life, hang on to it like a monkey on a banana tree.
Change for the better, don't be selfish, and don't think lagi kang naiisahan. Relationship is give and take, it's about compromise. But being shunga is a different story.

I suggest you help him become what he's meant be, probably he don't know what he wants too and it's your problem girl BF mo na e haha!
Guys are good follower you know (well if they love the girl).
He would want to be a better man because of you, remember that. You figure out what needs to polish then if "nah,can't do" then time to walk away. 
Don't fuzz about problem like it's the end of the world, if he makes you feel bad about yourself damn girl slap him in the face and leave. But if he's worth the ride, still don't fuzz about the issues because they are meant to strengthen relationships. The thing is know which one is worth for keeps.
Relationships without issues are problematic too, it's plain and boring.
I prefer a bit more edgier, char!. Well again it depends on you I like challenges I'm Aries kasi.

Just don't loose control of yourself over a guy. control him instead lalo na kung gago haha, if he cant be tamed and you cant even run wild with him then time to kiss him goodbye.
Wag kang profess ng profess ng love sa net then all you get is sorry the f is that? Wag tanga please, if you ask me why you not feeling lucky in relationships is because feelingera ka kase - dont baby talk him! He's old enough be your man, he suppose to know his role. All you do is compare career and love that you can't be lucky enough on both at the same time? Well that's true if you believe it. 

I hope you read my blog cause the answer is NO.

You can genuinely be happy on both worlds. You don't have to give up career or lovelife. They are significantly important to me, so I work double time to improve and cultivate and nourish to flourish my life as a whole. So maybe you can do that, and stop acting hopeless romantic you either fold your sleeves and dig in on dirt or not.

xoxo,
Lady Boss