Wednesday, March 15, 2017


It's true that most of the precious moments cannot be captured by camera or diary or even blog. I mean yes you can update your media but it will take time before you collect yourself and finally come to a realization that it happened.

So the ring like no other horror story and sweet slumber is now on it's way to this crooked hand of mine. I remember the time when I ask for it before marriage, haha! Reminiscing that moment still gives me a chill, like what the hell? I admit things were fast moving then, like we want to fast track all events that deserved to be carefully planned and be fulfilled voluntarily without hesitations. I know from the bottom of my heart that it is not yet time and there is this feeling of holding back, obligated or caged. Then he left abroad, so we get to collect ourselves, pickup the pieces and build what we had left long before we had even met. Inshort, we live on our own without someone watching our back side by side together every freaking day. It felt like clearing path and renewing vows, literally renewing every single wrong doings we had ever committed when we are together. Once I heard about stories of couple living separately on both ends of the world is good for the soul, they said. Both can explore the world and become the person they ought to be with someone you know is just there for you throughout the journey. And it is 100% true, atleast in my case. I am 32, in March 26, shameless for all these years I earned my age quiet well although not gracefully enough but still working on it, ha! Up to this day, I am still searching for what I want in life and what to do with it. Like I am given a beautiful life and still I feel empty most of the time. It is like, there will never be enough things to do, to buy, to own, to give and to worry. Crazy enough, we need to stop and be content and just be happy for the blessings we have in our hands right now. I also believe the soul needs space to grow and search its way to whatever God's plan instore for it. Which means, being seperated with your partner doesnt mean youre alone and not happy, infact it gave me space and time to look after myself and become better to serve and love others. So in the long run, the love you give yourself is the love you give to others. So cultivate the things that makes your heart go fonder so you can share more. I miss him because I love him, but we grow stronger and better when we figure out things we really need in life so we can continue living in harmony. 

Our love story is no joke. Days were tough and we faced so many hurdles that we almost given up. It's not a telenovela like love story that makes us kilig and wish to have a blissful lovelife and live happily ever after. No. Ours is a different kind, it is where heaven and hell meet. It's a battle field and I only got a mouth full of nasty things to say and I'm not proud of it. Even in relationship it takes two to tango, both have to make things work, it was never easy. Most of the time we have to be patient, forgiving, understanding and trustworthy or else we blew up from day 1. But in God, there is miracle. Everyone has a chance, if you just put Him in the center of your life - things will sort out for you surprisingly.I just learned that in marriage you need not to hurry, wait for the right time, you will definitely feel it is the right moment and you know it's the right person to say "I Do." 

So, marry for the right reason.

Anyway I am not yet married, so going back to my engagement ring it has its own story. It symbolized years living together, being pushed and dragged and challenged to move out of our comfort zones, figuring out our purpose of living, trying times when we experiment and do awful things that's really hurting us, matters that tested our patience and gradually accept our flaws and workout things we need improvement. We are very far from being alike, in values and upbringings. Considering the fact that he grew up alone without parents to look after him or support him to get through the day. While I still live with parents at the age of 29 and enjoying carefree life. So basically we are yin yang, he struggle I get through life hovering ever so lite. Im not saying my childhood is easy, infact we struggle financially until I work to assist my father with the bills. But his is a kick ass, he has to literally put up a fight to get what he needs to live. Anyway, we are very much different individuals that complement in such an unapologetic way. That's why I never cried when I saw the ring - the ring symbolizes strength. The foundation has to be sturdy and loving to make it through. And infact he drained his hard earned money to buy it, which made it even more important than anything else.
Not important if it's luxurious or grand, the ring that stands out is the one that has story that when you look at it, it reminds you of where your heart is.

So, get the engagement ring for the right reason.