It's the first Wednesday of January 2021, and God has already blessed the day with flying colors.
I skipped work today to be with my daughter for one more day before the overhauling/tiring work in Fuji. Not that I complain my work, infact I love my work -it's just that I'm in pain of how I am manipulated and turned to puppet. Well that's a different story. Today I am here to declare God's immeasurable blessing and the perfect timing.
Just yesterday, my husband renewed his LTO ID and I was really hoping that Accenture will call. Infact as early as today I am still praying to God, to please spare me from vile leadership in my current work because I cannot take it anymore. My health is suffering, Im streesed always thinking of the worse possible comment a manager could ever say, even if you give your 100% at work nothing is seen worth it (or atleast they say they appreciate it but words and actions speaks louder than one time praise).
So today I applied for car loan, I was not sure what to get but I passed the requirements anyway in BDO just below our condo. My husband and baby accompanied me they stayed outside patiently waiting for me.
So I submitted it and the teller said please wait 1-2 days for approval. But I got text message around 3:48PM and I was approved 5PM, just one hour! Iremember we are all lying in the bed, my husband, Franchesca and me about to take our afternoon siesta. Not only that. right after my application was approved I got a call from Accenture for closing interview scheduled tomorrow. I am in awe I could not believe it, I am half the battle , even though it was still a very pleasant surprise. THANK YOU LORD.
I pray to God to pass the final / closing interview tomorrow with the manager. And the asking will be suffiecient for my family everyday living. Lord , Thank You as ALWAYS. You have given me so much and I feel I am not worthit. With your blessings, I was able to help my love ones. You never give up on me. I know this past year was tough, but you gave so many reasons to still smile and be grateful. Even though there is Covid threat, you still shielded us with your blanket. We've been to hospitals multiple times, starting when I had so many allergies, to when I gave birth, to when Eloise was confined. I was really afraid that we might acquire it, but there is this feeling of relief and confidence that we are protected with your grace. Thank you Lord, thank you for showing us that there is nothing to fear just do your part and all those uncontrollable will be managed by you. And so I lift all my worries to you Lord, and all the blessings you continue to give us.
You know Lord, that to you I lift my troubles. My fear and sorrows. I know, I feel that the time will come that you will vanish all these in your perfect time. Everytime I had diffuclty with my current manager, I cant breath, my hair fall, I have multiple allergies, I have mild anxiety - I am not tortured of work - Im tortured and torn spiritually , emotionally and it's hard that my peace is forcefully/brutally scratched, raptured, destroyed by someone not related and irrelevant to my life. I believe in challeges but not this type of challenge, to be called minute by minute and as early as 7AM there will be litany. I graduated from my mother and Im not planning to have another round of daily sermon. In the real world setup, where I grew as am IT professional and in a global IT Industry I am treated as professional but not in Fujixerox. It's like a kiss ass movement wehre you are always warned and monitored like youre a criminal or suspicious employee eventhough youre not doing anything. I understand the discrete and confidentiality but not like this, I feel I am in strict supervision and being micromanaged. Why??? Why the hell do you need to micromanage me? OMG. But again I respect our counterparts in Australia, they've been good , eventhough savages I know I will learn something from them and yes I DID. But not with my manager. Tinitira na nya yung pagkatao ko not my work. I suggest, if you hire a professional TRY TO TRUST THEM. If not, escalate and FIRE! Pero hindi magawa, I dont need your mercy - I need to learn and be left alone. YOu can email me but not call minute by minute (callcenter?) and then what? sasabihen you will hire a new SP Admin? Go ahead, as if nanankot mawalan ako ng work. Do you think I will believe that I will loose my job in fujixerox because of your hersay, di ba you agreed I will build but what now? I agreed with them behind my back that I will do so muhc more that I cant even prioritize na kase all are High Priority and you need it right away or else babastusin mo na ako. Why? You've lost so many great employees, SP Admin/Dev. Dont ever think it's because of compesation. It's because of YOU.
Anyway Lord, sorry if humahanash nanaman ako sayo. I am just frustrated that afterall that I did I will be harrassed through calls without evidence (email) and violated. I am also nang hihinayang of my work, cause I love the work I do in Fujixerox, it's just the manager I cannot stand. She is over the top annoying, like making things complex, hard just making her self relevant may masabi lng pero she doesnt know a thing - she always ask!! and she would say I challenge you because this is what the upper management will ask you, I DOUBT IT. IT WAS YOU, and WILL ALWAYS BE YOU WHO NEEDS THOSE INFORMATION, TO BUILD YOUR OWN CAREER. Infairness, minsan ka lang nagdefend sa amin. Most of the time sinasalang mo kame sa hot seat, nilaglaglag mo kami. Ikaw na awardan right? I know you have other tasks aside from being our manager, but he(your amo) should ask your tao firts are you really being efficient? effective in manipulating, but not efficient sa tao. I dont want to hate but over my taba body I just cant take it anymore. I can work over hours tirelessly, just dont ever sabbotage my credibility and my personality. Dont feed me with the words from your mouth, dont judge me when you have no evidence, dont accuse me of doing things I dont do. STOP ATTACKING ME. YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BUILD UP YOUR TEAM! But what you do is put us down ALL THE FCKING TIME.
Im tired, numb, fedup with your manipulation and micromanagement and nanghihinayang ako sa career ko with Fujixerox. I dont like being dragged down and pushed over or someone telling me what to do like a kid, I am professional you should know and you should trust and believe and atleast have the decency to LISTEN and STOP CONTRA! Like all I can say YES, NO play dumb because you might say so many things that's eating up a lot of time and just so NOT NEEDED or ASKED FOR. Iyo na yang award mo for I dont know what work you did, iyo na yan magaling ka kase mag mando siguro talagang yan ang need nila the one who got away with no idea technically what youre doing but really knows how to MANDO and MANIPULATE the tao. But hear me when I say wlang magtatagal sayo na tao because of that, kung meron man they will talk behind your back because you are so not WORTHY of loyalty. You youreslf have trust issues, FIX IT! OR retire for goodness. ANyway thats for the libre sa starbucks, for pakain, for raffle but please know I dont need it - I prefer respect and trust and a little push from my lead that I can get thru this at the end of the hard days work. Make me feel that I really have a manager who got my back, who supports and LISTENS and UNDERSTANDS. Not the oppostite. I can buy my own SB, Food, appliance - but I cant buy your trust. I cant just kiss ass, because it's not my personality. Im just so tired of YOU. I hope I shall say Goodbye to YOU. I pray, real hard on this. I want peace of mind...
Lord I am so so sorry, Did I let you down? I pray not. I tried hard to blend in but it's not in my veins.
I am slowly drifting, fading in the vast sea. I cant see my self growing with Fuji, because of HER.
I lift to you all my burden, in Jesus name. Amen.
