Monday, March 19, 2012

One Tiny Wish for My Birthday

Sometimes I feel like a loner. That I don't exist and what I say or do doesn't matter. I am nothing.
I do what I do, no one cares. They don't care. I don't care too. And when they act they do, does it matter? They have so many things going on on their life, some exciting, some boring, some life changing, it's impossible they give a damn about me, about the things I do. (sigh) Like I said, life is never easy. There are times, I'm on top of everything, and so I feel...
And this time, I'm lost. Not sure what to do, not sure what to plan. (Darn my boss saw me, he said "OK ka lang" LOL Ugh how can I ever get emo serious with these!! madafffft) 
So I hope now you get the picture? It's on the face you know, when you get lonely and you look so retarded and hopeless, somebody will see it, unfortunately it's my boss...

Going back..
The truth is, I am not sure where this life is heading. I have a good work, enough pay, nice family, broken heart. So that's something eh. Broken fucking heart... Who the hell invented that word? Is that word worth defining the feelings I have right now? Cos if it does, you know who ever invented that word is brilliant. I can't even describe this emotion, or my brain's ability to manipulate my well-being. What ever it's called, for me it's simply BS. How come the brain chnaged my destiny, atleast I saw it as my destiny.. Then all of a sudden, some motherfucker nonsense asshole thing happens? For no fucking reason, it just happen.. And who to blame? It's not the heart or the emotion, it's the effin' brain!!! Brain, you so powerful, can you please not let me mingle with jerks in the first place? You the one weighing, deciding things for me, from the start. And now it seems that all were wronged. All are mistakes, you just cut the rope and voila THE END... I didn't even get a goodbye word from the mother fucking alien... HOW IS THAT?

Any way, whatever the alien will say, it's none of my effin' concern anymore. Besides it's just a roller coaster of lies, betrayal, deceit and argument. I might say that you get me a serious thing, that's matured enough to handle my qualms, and I will marry him, have his kids and die happy. You get it? Brain? Listen! Listen up...
I am thinking that you get my message right at this very moment. How about let me rest for like a year, then get me a new one. The one GOD is suppose to be giving me and not the one you are thinking right for me? OK? (sigh) 

I believe (from a book) that a girl has to wait for a man to catch her. He has to do everything to make her happy, because she will become his children's mother. I hope, I just hope that if I will become a fish, metaphorically speaking, a fisherman will catch me and will never kill me. But hey, even if fisherman takes good care of me still he will make a living out of my dead body! Darn, not a good example... Anyway, good, mature, handsome, humble, kind, generous, loyal, not a cheater, the one who truly loves me for the rest of his life, the one who will marry me, the one who will become the father of my kids, the one I will love for the rest of my life,will meet me at the cross roads. We will meet, brain you get it? haa! =D

My heart will rest in someone else's hand. A good hand.

That's My Birthday Wish. I hope it registered clearly. (sigh)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Oh Girl. Yes You are Truly One of a Kind.

Girl. Respect yourself.
Others will respect you too.
You are important in every way.
You deserve more, it's not pride.
It's because one day you will become a mother.
You will become your own child's protector.
You will become the strongest woman,
even if it seems all are crumbling down to ruin.
You will stand by your children.
You will stand by your family.
You deserve more.
You are precious.
Fearfully and wonderfully created by God.
Let no man, not toiled win your heart.
Let no man disrespect you.
Let no man neglect your needs. 
Someday you will become a mother.
Remember that!

(did I just mentioned you deserve more twice?? LOL)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

TED ON Choices

You will not be pleasantly surprise, because your expectations had gone to the roof.. There are many options but we get disappointed even if we have chosen the best. We could have done better in decision making and we end up blaming ourselves.. We regret.

What can a fish in a fish bowl tell us? What can it do to us? What the Barry Schwartz made me realize is that,
the fish knows something. It can do anything, be anything it wants.

We shatter the fishbowl, so that everything is possible. But, the fish is not freed, but more of paralyzed. It paralyzes the fish but adds more options/ choices. You increase paralysis, decrease satisfaction.

We need a certain kind of fish bowl. The metaphorical fishbowl might seem not enough for us, but the absence of it is a recipe of misery and  even disaster.

More Choices more freedom - not so true. I need to have this metaphorical fishbowl to limit myself and get the best choice in simplest way. To be content of what was given of. To be not just like the others, but acknowledge individuality and uniqueness. Limitation to what is right thus make me feel satisfied.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Nooo! MY Facebook is still Alive!!!

I am proud that's all. It's not bad to open up again and mingle and eavesdrop and stalk people. 
I can adopt perfectly to that scenario, changing decisions today no tomorrow yes. I choose whatever I like to become part of me and dispose that isn't helping.

I choose to still be friends with you...
(ugh insane)