In a relationship I wasnt able to understand myself, it's like believing in something I wasnt.
I began to put effort on doing things I am really not interested to, but I have to for the sake of partnership.
In a commitment I ought to give up things I used to believing that the bond will grow stronger.
You know what happened? It was quite smooth sailing at first but after sometime I lose myself. I forgot who am I, what I want, where I want to be, what I want to accomplish and what I can give for others as well.
It was I who was lost, and so I need to get a grip again to life I wasnt sure of. I was scared at first, I didnt know what to do, if I was making the right choice - I am cray cray so I dare to slip away and call it quits.
Again I wasnt sure of my decision so I pray hard to let the feelings flit away as fast as possible and then Im ready to see what life has to reveal.
And you know what happened? Twas a whirlwind. At first I felt like trash, like a ruin. Not capable of being loved at all... Not lovable. So I embraced the insanity that I was. Little did I noticed that every single day is a transition- working miracle for a long term commitment.
I met friends.
Along the way, I became closer to friends I didnt Imagined I could get along with. One was my ex colleague whom I couldnt talk to for long when we were officemates back then. But before I knew it, we're like soul sisters.
I was reaunited with colleagues and we get along in an instant. Being with them made me feel special and important - not the way in relationship with bf/gf worked but I had this sense of empowerment. I get to voice out my opinion and I am really glad they get to listen and believe in me. Didnt had that opportunity for a long time.
I get more friends.
I spent time to improve myself, to really know what it feels like being the best version of me. So I strive a little bit harder to achieve some imaginary figure I wasnt sure I was gonna make but perhaps did anyway. I am happy to hear from people how I changed a lot. I wasnt ashamed of being fat for all I care, but somehow it pays to be a better self. I gain confidence, trust, self-esteem and good vibes. So I get to share it with other people as well.
I became woman for others.
Well honestly aside from being a gossip girl - I enjoy knowing a person heart to heart as in I wanted to know their frustrations, problems and all that bring them down so that I can help. I learn to listen and just be there for them - not that I kiss and tell because Im not that kind. I became responsible to the point that I keep my promises (well most of it) to be with friends when they needed me most. Even the littlest thing they need I make it a point I will find time. And it feels great to be dependable - to help.
I learn to appreciate love.
Love is not just caged in a boy girl relationship. Now I undertand that those people around equally deserves my attention as the guy Im with. So better be with friends too!
I found myself.
Well honestly at first I was afraid, I was petrified HAHAHA
No really I was sacred I wouldnt be able to have a bf, get married and have kids. I was paranoid.
But then after sometime I try to observe family, husbands and wives, bf and gf's and singles.
Well guess what, I will try to be rational but if this sounds judgemental forgive me HAHA
For engaged happy for them but the marketability is going down, so if the guy has no money then no girl will ever pay attention to him aside from the fact that he has a ring and for the girl be prepared to be a mother figure not that you will gain weight but they will be tamed a little maybe - but over all the focus will be for family, as a team as group bonded together forever. And so they say.
For Gf/BF I dont know it makes me wanna dance why? I've been there and when guy's all over you meaning he's into you but he could not get what he wanted, so their eyes wander by mistake to other girls or the games they usually play. So if the guy is just a BF, dont take it too seriously. For single - more are bitter but better. They are in good shape with lots of money and love interests. But standards are getting higher depending on previous experiences but in total singles are sometimes hopeless romantic (bec they think there are no better for them) but they always get what they want, in a commitment - no strings attached.
I cannot categorized myself as single or taken because I dont like. HAHA. I am a golden girl 007. blah blah
So here is the deal, it is true that what most people are saying - DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS...
It is not just setting the bar high but just being practical, to protect heart, mind, body and soul from fraud/ fake/ false alarm stressful drama. Well I have learned my lesson :)
I can honestly say, I have no regrets, I am happy I can see both sides of the coin now, I can straight face look in the eye of the ex with a grin, I can totally sit next to an admirer with no sweat and wear two piece even if I have fatty figure. I totally understand this, and I guess life is about dancing in the curve, giving in and not taking trash too seriously. Because all things end, so I just want to enjoy every bit just for fun. :)
Oh life :)
xoxo
Fran
