When I dream and wake up, I sit for a while and try to remember what I just dreamed of.
Most of it I can't remember... Is there a word that can describe that? The thing you want to do but you can't? You just simply can't...
It felt like I was sleeping for long time now.
I found myself lying on pavement feeling cold, wearing just a pair of pants and a sleeveless.
The surrounding was so quiet, I only hear my breath coming in and out of my lungs.
I reached my hand, saw it was filthy with damaged red fingernails.
I felt heavy, I tried to stretch my back and stand up. My legs are numb, I almost can't feel it. When I managed to stand up, I made my first step.
The pavement was cold as ice, I wore a very thin pair of pink ballet shoes.
I walked four steps, wobbled like groggy.
I looked around, It felt ethereal.
The path is hazy, I cannot see clearly where to go.
The fog covered everything my way.
Another three steps forward, I tripped, and felt my broken toe nails.
I sat down, and saw blood stained my pink ballet shoes.
I cried, alas! I can hear my voice. I'm sobbing!
I tried to shout for help, but to my surprise, I couldn't hear my voice.
Something must've been wrong.
I only hear cry and gasp and sob, but no words came out.
I shouted again "Help!", it was like I'm trapped in a deep well.
No one heard me. Even I can't hear me. I'm muted.
I rest my head to the tree trunk.
Long branches swaying frantically gushed by wind.
I shivered, it seemed I'm sitting for hours but the tears never dried.
Even with the wind blowing.
I wonder how it defies the universe real nature, the property, the element.
I pitied myself for being so helpless.
The shadows seemed to be watching me from a far.
I was scared, I don't know what to do.
Will I start to stand, walk and run?
Will those eerie creatures come after me?
What do they want?
Will they butcher me, and feed my flesh?
I stood up, and started to walk again with bleeding toe nail.
I don't know where to go, but I kept on walking.
I bumped into a seemingly boulder. It had my knees bleeding to.
I cannot control my legs, my knees fell flat.
I thought someone whisper, I heard it said "come and see".
I don't know what I was thinking but I laughed very hard.
I said to myself, "why worry, this is just a dream. I will survive. Even for a day."
I felt stronger, I knew this was just a dream and I'm just sleeping.
There is no such thing as this. This is insane!
I realized I was lost in oblivion. This is a creation of my full imagination. It's just me and my playful mind. Nothing else. I laughed hard, until something crawled at my back. I tried to shooed it away, but another one crawled on my arms. Suddenly, I wanted to wake up. If this is just a dream, I'm going to die with nightmare. Someone must awaken me. I cried help! I pick-up myself holding on to the rubble. To my surprise it was a tombstone!
RIP Jade Star, a good friend, niece and daughter. The name sounds familiar, but the creatures taking over my shoulder and back so I got no time to think, I stood up covered my face with shoulders, then I tripped again. The mud made the pavement wet, I tripped for the last time...
Everything went dark... What happened came flashing before my eyes, I cried and smiled.
But mostly I felt sorry and sad for everything. I made my world. And all I ever want to remember is this one day I asked of, to say I love you to my mom and bid farewell.
I now sit in the dark tunnel, with my new found guitar and pair of pink satin ballet shoes.
I have tears that never dries.
I am the shadow I fear long before... Now I understand, everything...
It's just that I will never wake up, ever again...
This is a tribute to Amy Jade Winehouse, 27 years old, died 07/23/2011...
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