Tired

 What it means to be a mom? Tired, worried, burned-out, scared, loved and bliss all the same time.

When I say tired it literally burned me out, like physically mentally emotionally. The fact that it is only us, parents who are taking care of the 2 under 2 is a little too much.

I remembered there was a time I stayed the whole day with Eloise in bed, I cried and sent our pic to mama (with me crying). I totally balled out. Now breaking down is just as normal as drinking cold coffee. BTW it is still fucking pandemic so its normal to stay the whole fucking day 24x7, 7x a week AT HOME. And I am talking about 2 straight fucking years of insanity with the wild babies and helpless dad of 2. Eloise, my eldest is not even 2 yrs old and I feel God damn old hog, worn out and wasted bitch.

Lord, I am not complaining - i know right off the bat that this could be it - the end of my zen life. But man did I not see it coming that "MOM - LIFE" is no life at all. Though its ironic since my babies are my life.

Kudos to my mama who carried 3 bitches under the hood with little to know money. With papa working a far - for who knows if he can handle the bills but didnt level up and carried on with his own not so working ways - anyways.

To think that my partner will leave in  like days to work abroad is freaking me out but pretend to stay cool and maintain can handle it look but dead on the inside actually, IS INSANE.

My mama will take over. And I dont know if we can carry on given that she is already a senior citizen. Well we tried having putanginang katulong but they all scammers. Oh well those mother fuckers , making a living and benefitting from those good amo like us. Putangina nyo talaga.

What I feel: 

    Helpless...

What I look forward to: 

    Restful slumber, massage, me time, this fucking pandemic to end and travel with kids.

What I pray:

    Nobody in my family gets sick and die without getting a good life (Travel, Money, Food, Luxury) - JOY & HAPPINESS.

This is me rumbling,

KENDI