In my life there are ups and downs. Nothing is constant, everything changes. The moment I realize that the end of happiness is near, I just shrug it off my shoulder and carry on. But it is not easy. There is no preparation, like exams. No clue of where my life is heading for the next couple of days. Question is, when is this series of loneliness going to end?
As days go by, I get the hang of it as if it is nothing, plain ordinary day. I keep doing what I use to do, I act normal (most of the time) and just move along.
But somehow, loneliness is just around the corner. The only thing I can do is cry. But nothing is bad about crying though, only headache and popping eyes. It releases tension and probably removes stress out of my system, I think. I just want to cry. That's all.
I have gone so far, but not yet sure what is waiting for me in there. Not so sure if there is something good that will come along. Sometimes it is hard to wait. And what to wait? Nothing really.
Just glad, I am here. Still alive. With problems to face. And hoping that someday will find a refuge with my own doing.Anyway where I am now is my choice.
I just pray all this tearful nights will vanish somehow in a blink of an eye... Just like loneliness crept into my life in a blink of an eye...
I choose to be strong in times of adversities. Because if I do the otherway around, nothing good will happen to me. I am still hopeful, you know...
Being strong, as oppose to what others say, does not indicate that a person is free of worries and pain.
Most of us chose to be strong to push ourselves beyond what used to be. What used to be safe, what seems to be sweet and fair. We have seen the worst that is why we chose to hang in there and stay steady. It is like hanging in a brink with both hands holding on. It aches terribly, big time! But if you fail to hang in there, you could die. So is there any other option? You just got to hang in there... Maybe get used to it, until it numbs.
Maybe this is not a good example though, ofcourse you cant just hang in there for the rest of your life dont you? So you got to find a way...
Even if it seems impossible, there is always a way. Sometimes we need a break to clear thoughts and decide where to go from there. Loneliness and pain when tolerated will not go away. So try to replace them. One good reason is, they do no good for me so what's of the point staying to that kind of state?
It's difficult to set your mind to something you are not ready to execute, or maybe do it and just fake it.
I acknowledge my fear and my weaknesses so that it is much lighter to move to the next step. So be ready for a change.
The point is, I know my worth and what I deserve. I know this battle will cost me a lot of sleepless nights but I know deep in my heart it will all be worth it.. In the right time...
Cry a little, and smile.
Know that someday things will get better..
I mean BEST :)
xoxo
Fran
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